Elisheva and Yehoshua Hoffman
Stories, Pictures and Audio
Mazel tov!!!
to Rabbi Yehosha and Elisheva (Bulow) Hoffman
on the birth of twins 22 Cheshvan 5773 November 6, 2012
************Below are two versions of their shidduch story ****************
"Becoming Extraordinary" in Portland was given to a small community kollel group, about 25 around a table and has more personal reflections.
"Extraordinary Shidduch" in London was given as the keynote at the Bikkur Cholim d'Satmar's annual fundraising event and was given to a crowd of about 1000 women and so is more formal (and more gingerly worded).
"Becoming Extraordinary" in Portland was given to a small community kollel group, about 25 around a table and has more personal reflections.
"Extraordinary Shidduch" in London was given as the keynote at the Bikkur Cholim d'Satmar's annual fundraising event and was given to a crowd of about 1000 women and so is more formal (and more gingerly worded).
| becoming_extraordinary_portland_or.wma.wma |
| extraordinary_shidduch_story_for_satmar_in_london.wma |
click here for an article in the Intermountain Jewish News about their wedding
scroll down to see pictures
Below is a shiur that I gave as part of The Jewish University to Sunday Experience parents. It contains a lot of reflection about the Rivka Chaya saga. Click here to see the rest of the series.
| principles_10_and_11_of_rambams_13.mp3 |
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Baby update November 19, 2012
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for your mazel tovs, tefillos/prayers and good wishes. So many of you have written that I am not sure that I have answered everyone. Please forgive me if I haven't, and consider this your personal update and thank you. Life has been so very hectic trying to take care of all who need care and attention.
Ahuva Nava is doing nicely. She weighs about 5 pounds now and is healthy, thank G-d. She just needs to wake up enough to suck long enough to get a full meal on her own before she can go home. Basically, she's in eating school right now and hopefully will graduate from the NICU and go home in a week or two. Meanwhile she is fed most of her food through a feeding tube down her nose. The food is produced by Elisheva and fortified by the nurses to make it a little more caloric.
Rivka Chaya needs a lot of prayer and heavenly assistance to make it. It has been a daily, hour by hour struggle. She is fighting for her life and fighting hard. We finally got her moved to Children's Hospital on Sunday night. It was a very risky transfer because she is so fragile. They sent the Flight for Life team to take her. She did not need the helicopter, however, she was driven the 15 min by ambulance. It took about 3 1/2 hours to get her stable enough and hooked up properly to their issolette to be able to transfer her and then, on the receiving end, it took another about 4 1/2 hours to restabilize her and put her on the ECMO machine for heart and lung bypass.
She is now pink, not grey, but she is so swollen that her little nose almost looks like an "inny" bellybutton on her face. Her heart rate, oxygenation and blood pressure are stable now and cannot crash while she is on this machine. The idea is to give her organs a rest and allow them to use all their energy for healing, not maintenance.
Attached are some pictures of the babies and the family.
Below is an invitation to Care Pages, a website for sharing information about loved ones facing health crisis. You can log on and read updates as they are available and you can leave comments and send messages to Elisheva and Yehoshua. I don't plan on sending out another update like this. If you would like to follow the progress, b'ezrat Hashem, of this little baby, please join her care page. Of course, you are welcome to email and call me about anything. It just depends on what is going on if I'll be able to fully answer.
If you say the blessing of Asher Yatzar after using the bathroom, please consider saying it with extra kavanah in Rivka's merit. Her primary challenge is that of holes that are open when they should be closed: the leaking of lymph fluid into her chest cavity and all that flows from that. If you don't say that blessing, please consider saying it once a day.
When asked what we could do for Rivka and to support each other, the doctor at Children's said: pray. Pray for her, pray for each other and please, pray for us the doctors and nurses that we should be successful. How nice is that?! Please continue to pray. It really is making a difference.
May we all be healed and share good news. May the soldiers in Israel be protected as well during this trying time.
Thank you,
Aliza
Baby update November 19, 2012
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for your mazel tovs, tefillos/prayers and good wishes. So many of you have written that I am not sure that I have answered everyone. Please forgive me if I haven't, and consider this your personal update and thank you. Life has been so very hectic trying to take care of all who need care and attention.
Ahuva Nava is doing nicely. She weighs about 5 pounds now and is healthy, thank G-d. She just needs to wake up enough to suck long enough to get a full meal on her own before she can go home. Basically, she's in eating school right now and hopefully will graduate from the NICU and go home in a week or two. Meanwhile she is fed most of her food through a feeding tube down her nose. The food is produced by Elisheva and fortified by the nurses to make it a little more caloric.
Rivka Chaya needs a lot of prayer and heavenly assistance to make it. It has been a daily, hour by hour struggle. She is fighting for her life and fighting hard. We finally got her moved to Children's Hospital on Sunday night. It was a very risky transfer because she is so fragile. They sent the Flight for Life team to take her. She did not need the helicopter, however, she was driven the 15 min by ambulance. It took about 3 1/2 hours to get her stable enough and hooked up properly to their issolette to be able to transfer her and then, on the receiving end, it took another about 4 1/2 hours to restabilize her and put her on the ECMO machine for heart and lung bypass.
She is now pink, not grey, but she is so swollen that her little nose almost looks like an "inny" bellybutton on her face. Her heart rate, oxygenation and blood pressure are stable now and cannot crash while she is on this machine. The idea is to give her organs a rest and allow them to use all their energy for healing, not maintenance.
Attached are some pictures of the babies and the family.
Below is an invitation to Care Pages, a website for sharing information about loved ones facing health crisis. You can log on and read updates as they are available and you can leave comments and send messages to Elisheva and Yehoshua. I don't plan on sending out another update like this. If you would like to follow the progress, b'ezrat Hashem, of this little baby, please join her care page. Of course, you are welcome to email and call me about anything. It just depends on what is going on if I'll be able to fully answer.
If you say the blessing of Asher Yatzar after using the bathroom, please consider saying it with extra kavanah in Rivka's merit. Her primary challenge is that of holes that are open when they should be closed: the leaking of lymph fluid into her chest cavity and all that flows from that. If you don't say that blessing, please consider saying it once a day.
When asked what we could do for Rivka and to support each other, the doctor at Children's said: pray. Pray for her, pray for each other and please, pray for us the doctors and nurses that we should be successful. How nice is that?! Please continue to pray. It really is making a difference.
May we all be healed and share good news. May the soldiers in Israel be protected as well during this trying time.
Thank you,
Aliza
Reb Yehoshua and Ahuva Nava, 5 days old
Elisheva and Baby A (Ahuva Nava) one day old
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Elisheva and Baby A (Ahuva Nava) two days old
Baby B (Rivka Chaya) two days old
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Yehoshua and Ahuva 5 days old
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The sad news November 20, 2012
Dear Friends,
I said I wouldn't send out another update, but sadly I must. Rivka Chaya died this afternoon and was buried in the dark at Rose Hill Cemetery.
It seems that she spent too long with poor circulation and incomplete oxygenation so that her veins were weakened by lack of adequate supply. When the ECMO machine began to circulate her blood properly, the normal amount of blood volume and pressure put stress on her weakened veins and caused bleeding in her brain, which in turn caused a massive stroke. In addition, her kidneys shut down and her liver was shutting down. The doctors called us together and told us that there was nothing left to do, that keeping her on the machine was just causing further damage and that her lungs were too weak to make it on their own without the machine.
Of course there were lots of tears, even from the doctors. Yehoshua choose to sit with her as they disconnected the machines and she finished slipping away. Elisheva sat with Sahra and Gitty and then came over to watch from a distance. It was quiet in the hallway as the doctors and nurses gave us our family time.
Rabbi Steinberg arrived earlier and guided us through the process. While Yehoshua sat with Rivka, the rabbi called the grandparents together to give us some context. He explained that we were witnessing something very special. That her soul was going from one level of gan eden to another and didn't even fully enter the world. A baby who dies under 30 days old had no tikkun, no correction, to make. She just needed to come and go. Much of what we do for a burial is for atonement for the deceased. Since an under 30 day old does not need any soul repair, so to speak, she didn't need many of those things done.
There is no levaya/funeral, no shrouds, no tahara, no coffin, no Kayl malay rachamim chanted, no kaddish recited, no mourner's meal, no shiva. And in her case, as in Israel, she was buried right away, even though it was already dark.
Rabbi Steinberg and a nurse prepared her body and wrapped her in a sheet and then in a baby blanket so that no one would stare while we left the hospital. Security was cleared so that we could take custody of the body ourselves without involving the mortuary. Yehoshua held her as they drove to the cemetery. Many of Elisheva's and Yehoshua's siblings met us there. They dug the tiniest grave, right in front of the Hoffman family stone. Rabbi Steinberg took her from Yehoshua and knelt down to place her in the grave himself and then everyone cried as they filled it with dirt. The only light we had was from a headlight of one of the cars that someone turned on. She was buried right next to Lipsha, her great grandmother, for whom Ahuva is named (apparently, Lipsha, in Yiddish, from Lev/heart, translates to Ahuva/beloved in Hebrew). Yehoshua then said a few words of thankfulness for Ahuva and sadness for Rivka. He spoke meaningfully and beautifully and really gave everyone there a pause for thought. Then we hugged and cried some more. Some went home, some went back to the other hospital.
I called the nurses in the St. Joe's NICU to let them know that Rivka died so that Elisheva would not have to tell them when she arrived. When I arrived there, a nurse pulled me aside and asked what time Rivka passed. I told her and she said, "I wondered about that. Ahuva woke up then and cried for half an hour and I just held her and rocked her. She has never cried for more than a minute or two. I noted the time in her chart and thought about the other baby..."
I am so thankful that Elisheva and Yehoshua have baby Ahuva. I am so sorry they had to go through loosing Rivka. I am thankful that they did not have to wait months before loosing her and I am thankful that we have a loving caring family and community to support our children and us.
Here is Elisheva's text to her friends: Baruch Dayan ha'emes. Hashem nasan v'Hashem lakach. We were benched with a neshama that went from gan Eden to gan Eden. May we be zoche to to see the geula shlaima bekarov.
(Translation: Blessed is the Judge of truth. G-d gave and G-d took. We were blessed with a soul that went from heaven to heaven. May we merit to see the complete redemption soon.)
May we all share good news in the future.
Aliza
Click here for the article I wrote about Rivka's death: "Welling Up" Click here to see it on Aish.com
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Below is the talk Yehoshua gave to members of our community in contemplation of the birth of the twins and the death of Rivka on December 2, 2012
Below is the talk Yehoshua gave to members of our community in contemplation of the birth of the twins and the death of Rivka on December 2, 2012
| yehoshuas_talk_about_loosing_rivka_and_a_new_beginning.mp3 |